


How to ruin a moment

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sorry!, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 03:57:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/693837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Niall and Josh just really need to get their act together and get together</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I’ve never really liked boybands to be honest. I don’t really think I’m the target audience for their music so it’s not that surprising that I’m not one of the screaming fans at Take That or The Wanted concerts. Then again I have no aversion to young men parading around shirtless; I’m just not a camp enough gay to become a fanboy. I like rock music over pop ballads, and moshing over synchronised dancing. So my mates were never going to let me forget the fact that I was now doing drumming for one such music group. They were frequently ribbing me about One Direction so I was determined that they should meet the boys in order to realise how nice and, well, not exactly normal but certainly friendly they are. It was for this reason that I invited Niall around to my friend James’ house on one of few days off so that the blonde boy could prove to them that not all famous people are pricks. Since I’d begun performing with the band he’d always been the member I was closest to due to our joint love of football and music so I was hoping that my mates at home would appreciate his company too. Plus, deep down, I couldn’t help but feel as though if they accepted the teenager then I might be able to be open with him. I didn’t know why but for some reason I thought I might be comfortable enough to come out to Niall about my feelings when I was at home.  
*  
Whenever I tried to formulate a proper plan for this sequence of events I admit the idea sounded rather laughably pathetic. After all, when did I start letting myself have feelings for Christ’s sake? Especially ones for a member of a boyband! And also there was the fact that telling Niall about the many nights I’d spent longing to have him next to me in bed and the way I could never stop staring when he was around, revealing all that could mean total rejection, humiliation and the loss of a true friend. That was something I never wanted to happen. It wasn’t as though anything could happen between us anyway! He was utterly straight, as was proved by his string of beautiful girlfriends, and there was no reason why he would go for a guy like me even if he wasn’t. No, I told myself on increasingly frequent occasions as I became more and more involved with the band, you cannot let yourself develop strong feelings for this boy, no matter how ridiculously attractive he is. Nothing good can come of it. Unfortunately I rarely heed my own advice, and therefore continued to fall pretty much head over heels for Niall.  
*  
I was slightly nervous as we pulled up outside James’ house which was unusual for me. It felt almost as though I was letting Niall ‘meet the parents’ and I was worried that he wouldn’t be accepted by my other friends. Not that they were at all cliquey and exclusive, in fact I was probably being simply paranoid about the whole thing, but there was always the thought in the back of my mind of what if they don’t like him? I parked up on the pavement and turned to the younger boy before he jumped out of the car at lightning speed as usual.  
“Um, Nialler,” I began, not sure exactly what I was going to say now I’d begun. He nodded a little impatiently, evidently keen to get out of the car, and I chickened out of expressing any of my feelings at that moment. Instead I bottled them up and smiled benignly whilst trying to think of something to fill the silence. “I hope you have a good time today.” It sounded ridiculously lame from the moment it came out of my mouth but the other young man simply smiled bemusedly and returned to his usual hyperactive state.  
“I can’t wait!” he enthused then jumped out of the vehicle as I followed suit on the other side and made my way to the house.  
I rapped three times on the front door and waited for about half a minute, smiling at Niall in what I hoped was a reassuring manner, until it swung open to reveal James dressed in an Arsenal shirt and jogging bottoms.  
*  
“Took your time, didn’t you mate?” I laughed before taking him in a massive hug. As we broke from our embrace with grins on both our faces I turned back towards the blonde boy hovering outside. “Hey Horan,” I encouraged him forwards and gestured to my old friend. “This is Jamie. He’s dressed up for the event as you can see!” The teenager smiled, stepping forwards, and spoke up for the first time since I’d come inside.  
“Hi there,” Niall nodded as his uncharacteristic shyness faded away. “I think your clothes show good enough taste. Well, maybe not your shirt…”  
“Are you joking?” James asked, mock-offended. “They’re the best team in the world, innit?”  
“Nah, Derby County mate - Arsenal isn’t real football.” They stared into each others’ eyes for a moment or two before laughing and shaking hands.  
“Good to meet ya Niall,” he said amicably and I couldn’t help but smile along. What had I been worrying about? Of course my newest friend would get along with my old ones! There was a heavy sense of relief within me and I finally felt the joy that came with being home. Having the younger man with me made that feeling of happiness even stronger, despite all the warnings I’d given myself about not letting any of my less than platonic emotions compromise our friendship. All three of us made our way down the hall and into the living room where 4 of my other oldest mates sat playing computer games. They welcomed me with joking banter and Niall with the openness that I shouldn’t have underestimated. So the first part of my plan (to have the Mullingar lad accepted by my friends) had worked. Now all I had to do was decide whether I had the guts to continue with the next step.  
*  
2 hours later and I had successfully failed miserably at every one of the X-Box games we’d all played together and eaten my own bodyweight in crisps and pizza. Even so Niall had still managed to consume twice as much as me! He was getting along amazingly well with the other lads, proving once again that my earlier inhibitions had been ridiculous, and I had all but forgotten about my plan to reveal my innermost feelings to him. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. It was constantly present in the back of my mind; I just chose to ignore it. And it might well have remained that way if it hadn’t been for the one mistake on my part, the one thing that I took out of context and subsequently forced myself to come out with. I had warned my friends about not mentioning my sexuality in front of Niall or indeed the rest of the band if they ever met them, but unfortunately this message hadn’t been passed onto Matthew: one of James’ mates who I knew a little but not enough to think that he would be invited along too. We were halfway through playing FIFA 12 when he let something slip.  
“Hey Josh whadd’ya think of Messi?” It was an innocent enough question – football related with no sexual connotations necessarily included. But maybe having Niall around was making me paranoid about such things and I began to panic.  
“What do you mean Matt?” I tried to send signals to him with my eyes that I wanted him to shut up about the whole topic, however he was too busy trying to concentrate on the game whilst keeping up a conversation to realise.  
“Well would you have him?” Looking back I castigate myself that I didn’t realise the words ‘on your team’ had simply been dropped from the end of the sentence. As it was I said something utterly stupid in reply.  
*  
“Well I wouldn’t fuck him if that’s what you mean!” There was total silence in the living room apart from the inane beeping of the game on the screen. It was one of those moments where you just want to kill yourself quickly in order to be freed of the humiliation and embarrassment and I felt myself turning beetroot. Then Matthew simply started laughing: trust him to make it one big joke.  
“Not like Ben then,” he grinned before noticing the cold stare I had fixed upon him which quickly turned to regret when I heard my ex’s name mentioned.  
“They broke up,” James muttered to him and he immediately began apologising profusely which I accepted, but not before the damage had been done. When I turned to face Niall he looked shocked, confused and, what was even worse, a little betrayed. All I wanted to do was talk to him in private in the hope that he would start smiling again like the happy, hyperactive boy I fell – became friends with, but there was no chance of that in a room full of boys who had conveniently forgotten my previous outburst. Anything I wanted to do to comfort and explain to him would have to wait until our journey home…  
*  
“So you’re gay?” I remained staring straight at the road ahead as I replied.  
“Yup.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me - us, I mean?” This was a harder question to answer so there was a short silence as I thought of what to say. “Were you worried we’d think you fancy one of us or something?” My fingers clenched even more tightly around the wheel until my knuckles turned white. Oh Niall, I sighed inwardly, trust you to hit the nail right on the head.  
“Sort of,” I muttered eventually in a voice that I feared would reveal everything to the teenager. I’d never been particularly adept at disguising my feelings after all.  
“And… do you?” To say I was surprised would be putting it mildly. It was the question I’d been expecting, yes, however the tone was anything but. Instead of being accusatory or disgusted the blonde boy’s voice seemed interested and almost embarrassed. Perhaps (although I didn’t dare let myself think it) even hopeful?  
*  
It was only then that I turned to Niall for the first time in the whole journey, my brown eyes meeting his beautiful blue ones. He never blushed but there was a self-conscious look in his face as I realised he was waiting for a reply.  
“Why do you ask?” I said so quietly that it was practically a whisper. In my mind there was an alarm going off which told me this was not a good idea but I needed to know what my friend’s reaction would be. He dropped his gaze at my question yet there was the hint of a smile on his lips.  
“Because…” he began, turning back towards me, when the blast of a car horn and the squeal of brakes smashed the moment to pieces.  
“Jesus fucking Christ!” I yelled as my eyes jumped back to the road and I saw the accident I had very nearly caused. Pulling up on the pavement I let the adrenaline leave my system and faced Niall. He looked thoroughly shaken, his skin more ashen white than usual. “Oh God Ni I’m so sorry!” I told him in what was hopefully a comforting manner but the young man shook his head as if trying to forget the events of the past minute. We remained in silence for some time until I dared to speak again. “What – what was it you were going to say?” When he didn’t answer I tried again. “About me, you know, fancying –” his voice cut clean across mine.  
“I think we should go home Josh.” For a moment I forgot how to breathe as my hopes were dashed. Then I simply nodded morosely and restarted the car.  
*  
When we arrived at the aparment a friend had let us stay in whilst visiting my home town Niall headed straight upstairs.  
“Mate!” I cried after him from the doorway and he flinched around at the word. “Can’t we talk?” He stared at me with hurt in his eyes that I couldn’t find a reason for but which disconcerted me.  
“I’ve got nothing to say,” he murmured into the silent building before turning away and disappearing into his bedroom where I knew he would spend the rest of the evening. Confused and desolate, I began to go after him but then gave up and made my way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer. Tipping the contents down my throat without even tasting it I decided that the only way to free me from my self-inflicted misery would be to get totally and utterly pissed. Hopefully then I would remember nothing about the somehow irresistible blonde man upstairs the next day.


	2. How to ruin a moment (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niall and Josh finally get it together and get together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this before, then deleted it... So here it is again :)

I always wake up stupidly early when I have the chance to lie in and that morning was no exception. My alarm read 06:00 and the sun was only just rising as I crept out of bed and down the corridor into the bathroom. Passing Josh’s room I subconsciously leaned towards the door to see if I could hear him snoring as usual. That morning, however, there was no noise at all coming from the other side and I realised he must have neglected to come to bed at all the night before. Just a day ago I had woken him up with breakfast in bed and when I’d complained about the cold he’d jokingly tucked me in at the other end of the bed. Why had so much changed in a mere 24 hours? Well, I sort of knew the answer to that but I didn’t want to tell myself that it was all my fault. Even though it was. Totally and utterly my stupid fault. As the shower washed away the tension in my back and shoulders it did nothing to relieve the gnawing guilt that filled my mind whenever I thought of the other young man who inhabited the house with me. Trying to forget all about him and our conversation the night before, I began to sing one of my favourite Justin Beiber songs as loudly as possible until there was no space left in my head for drummers or car accidents.

“I’ll always be your number 1 fan,” I crooned in the voice that had been subject to much hatred on the internet but which, my friends often assured me, was something to be rather proud of. The lyrics had never resonated that much with me due to my lack of many meaningful relationships, however this time there was something in the words I was singing that made me feel a little wistful. “And I should be your one and only man, You should pick me.” Then for some reason Josh was there in my mind, his face and the song merging until I realised I was singing it to him. This was not what I had wanted to do at all.

*

 

Quickly staunching the flow of water above me and scrambling out of the glass shower door I began to scrub myself rather roughly with a towel as though that would somehow rub away my scandalous and utterly irrational thought as well. What was happening to me? Why did I insist on having these feelings towards someone whose relationship with me had been compromised less than half a day ago due to my insecurities? Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror I ran the cold tap and splashed a little on my face in the hope that it would calm my nerves which were still wrecked from the day before and help me to think straight. The blue eyes that looked back at me were the same ones I’d seen every day since I was tall enough to be able to look over a sink. Nothing had changed with me, and yet somehow everything had: although I physically appeared no different, inside I was suffering emotional turmoil. The one thing that kept plaguing me was why I had acted the way I did during the car journey that had haunted my dreams the night before? Everything had been going perfectly; Josh had told me he was gay - _Josh_ ,the boy who I had fantasised about for months but had been too convinced of his heterosexuality to do anything about it! I had wanted to ask him about it ever since his uncharacteristic outburst earlier in the afternoon and we finally had the opportunity on the journey home, during which I asked him in my usual blunt manner about the thing I hadn’t even dared to dream about.

*

_“Were you worried we’d think you fancied one of us or something?” To my ears the question sounded ridiculously obvious and I feared that Josh would be able to guess the true meaning behind my probing questions. Holding my breath in the hope that he wouldn’t flip out at me for being so self-obsessed that I actually believed a figure of such perfection would fancy me, I waited for a reply._

_“Sort of,” he told me oh so quietly in his low voice which consistently sent shivers down my spine whenever I heard it. Desperate to know more I continued, although my tone clearly conveyed my trepidation about the subject._

_“And… do you?” Again, I was already cringing with fear at the thought that I was grasping the totally wrong end of the stick and needlessly pushing for an answer I didn’t want to hear. But I needed to know if there could ever be a chance of the one thing I’d wanted ever since I’d met him: us._

_“Why do you ask?” Trust Josh to answer a question with a question, I thought, knowing that the time for me to reveal my thoughts had finally come. There was to be no going back now; I simply had to be brave enough to let my emotions come to the forefront of our conversation. In my head I planned out the words I was about to say: Because I really fancy you._

_“Because…” I began, summoning up all my courage into getting the whole sentence out._

_*_

_Then the accident had happened. With a single screech of rubber on the wet pavement I was instantly transported back to being 5 years old again, the seatbelt digging into my chest as I tried to scream but could make no noise. This time it was Josh, not my father, behind the wheel and the situation was somehow made much worse by the fact that I had trusted him for no other reason than the fact he was my friend and he had let this happen to me. It had been years since I’d suffered flashbacks from the first near-crash but the idea of dying in a car accident had traumatised me ever since, which was the reason for my sudden shock and anxiety. I could hear my companion saying something next to me, however it was as though he was several miles away - I couldn’t make out what he was asking me. All I could think to say was:_

_“I think we should go home Josh.” He seemed rather upset at that for a reason I couldn’t fathom at the time but the only thing on my mind was getting away from the ‘scene of the crime’ so to speak. We remained in utter silence on the drive home because I was trying to rid myself of the neurotic feelings that were running through my body as a result of the incident. When we arrived back all I wanted to do was escape up to my room and play guitar: the one thing that had been an eternal comfort to me for all these years. And though I regret having to say this now, not once did I think about the young man I left downstairs when I threw myself into an evening of self-pity. All I wanted to do was forget._

*

Coming out of my flashback, I realised that the cold tap was still running in front of me. Grabbing a cup from the side of the sink I caught a small amount in the vessel before turning the tap firmly off. _Way to waste water, Niall_ , I castigated myself, _I suppose your problems are more important than the environment now?_ But to me it kind of felt as though they were. As I left the bathroom and changed into yesterday’s clothes which were still flung on the end of my bed I realised I needed to do something about Josh. It was obvious looking back that I had deeply upset him somehow the night before and as I hated conflict of any sort I wanted to rectify the situation as soon as possible. Forgetting for a moment that my best friend probably wasn’t in the best shape after having spent the night in the living room I charged downstairs with my usual hyperactive energy, nearly spilling the drink I was holding in the process. It was only when I’d already crashed through the wooden door that I realised subtlety might have been a better choice of approach. Thankfully Josh must have been severely intoxicated when he crashed out because even my haphazard entrance to the room didn’t wake him. Part of me was relieved that I hadn’t accidently forced him awake, but this was counteracted by the realisation that I would have to be the one to rouse him so that we could finally sort out the events of the previous day.

*

“Josh,” I whispered quietly, almost scared to wake him up now it had finally come to it, but he didn’t stir in the near-darkness. “Josh!” There was a groan from the sofa and the shadowy figure rolled towards me, eyes half open.

“What?” He moaned in a voice that sounded like he’d swallowed sandpaper. “Who the fu - ?” As his eyes adjusted to the light (or lack of it) he spotted that I was stood in the doorway and made a noise a little like an angry hippo. Somehow this didn’t stop him looking absolutely gorgeous to me, however, and I pressed on with our conversation.

“Josh, we need to talk,” I told him as I began to step through the room which was filled with the clutter that had accumulated as a result of our staying there.

“Ah gour you dahn…” he began before I handed him the glass of water in my hand. Although he stared at the proffered drink confusedly for a moment but his dehydration obviously got the better of him and he tipped it quickly into his mouth. When he’d finished and placed the cup on the floor he stared up at me with anger and a trace of sadness.

“I thought you didn’t have anything to say?” the amazingly attractive drummer told me sarcastically, and I cast my mind back to try and work out what he meant. Fortunately my forgetfulness was taken by Josh as a sign of regret - which I was feeling too, don’t get me wrong. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, raising a hand to his head which I took as a sign of a major hangover.

*

“No,” I told him gently as I attempted to maintain the delicate balance that suddenly existed between us as opposed to the comfortable ease with which we had interacted just a day before. “I’m sorry. I, well, I acted like a twat last night and I didn’t even explain why.” Whilst Josh stared at me with those amazing brown eyes of his I wondered whether now was a new opportunity for me to reveal my feelings towards him. Surely this was an appropriate time to continue the conversation we had very nearly succeeded in participating in before. But my nerves got the better and I chose the easy option with an inward sigh. “Can we just forget about it all and move on?” There was silence for a whole minute until to my surprise the young man on the couch began to laugh.

“Oh Niall,” he told me as the laughter took on a hardened, almost regretful, edge. “I think it’s a bit late for that.” I was confused as to where the conversation was going and why exactly I wasn’t the one driving it any more. Josh always had this ability to take over an exchange which normally I found endearing but now left me feeling out of control.

“What do you mean?” I stammered and it struck me that perhaps we were going to have this conversation after all. Butterflies flittered through my stomach as I prepared for anything to happen – after all since the unpredictable ending of our last attempt I had learned not to expect normality.

*

For the first time that morning Josh looked straight at me with his unreadable brown eyes and it felt as though he was truly staring into my soul which for some reason was more arousing to me that unsettling.

“Nialler,” he began so slowly and deeply that I felt my knees go weak like some sort of damsel in distress from a fairy tale. _Focus_ , I told myself, _if there is one time in your life to be serious it’s now_. He continued to look at me as the words came tumbling out of his mouth like they were dying to get free. “I only thought I’d ever tell you this if I was pissed out of my skull but I’m not, I’m just terribly hung-over which will have to be my excuse because the thing is I’ve got to tell you that… tell you that I… I love you!” I did something so utterly imbecilic then that it makes me cringe now to think of it: I let myself start talking.

“Oh. What? Really? Wow. Um, OK, I wasn’t expecting that.” Although I didn’t realise it at the time my words were having a less than positive reaction with Josh and he began to look away with rejection and humiliation in his eyes. Reaching out a hand I stopped him and turned his face towards mine. There was only one thing I needed and wanted to say right then and I knew that I meant it with all my heart. “I love you too.”

*

Before he could say anything else I did something uncharacteristic but unpreventable. Leaning forwards to where he was now sat up on the sofa I kissed him for the first time ever. It was just like all of my fantasies combined – rainbows, check, fireworks, check, overly romantic music playing in my head, check. Now I knew what had been missing from all my previous relationships with girls and it felt utterly wonderful to be finally embracing the man of my dreams. Josh quickly responded to my advance and soon we were kissing passionately; we both knew there was no need for further questions when we’d managed to reveal all in one action. I’m not sure how we ended up on top of one another on the sofa but it was there that I found myself when we finally broke apart, smiling fit to burst. After shuffling around a little we were side by side, him leaning into me and planting small kisses on my neck in a manner that was totally adorable.

“Just one thing, though,” I whispered into the comfortable silence and he hummed in response. “Who’s Ben?” He propped himself up on one arm so that he could catch my gaze, a cheeky grin all over his face.

“You know jealously is really cute on you,” he smiled and leaned down for another kiss. As I felt his strong lips against mine all I could wonder was why it had taken me so long to realise that happiness was right in front of my nose.

**Author's Note:**

> People on Tumblr asked for fluff, I gave them this... Er, yeah.


End file.
